My performance review SUCKED!!

These are the things I’d like to be measured on in my next performance review: parallel parking, personal hygiene, height, singstar, parenting and pub quiz. I see these factors as my fields of excellence.

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This post was submitted by bob.

Not sure if this person realizes twitter is a public forum.

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This post was submitted by Another Tweeter.

Job ad from the burger bar up the road from me… Imagine what their performance reviews are like. Went there the other day and it had a note on the contertop that read “Sorry there are no handcut fries today. We got too wasted last night”

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This post was submitted by P-Addict.

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This post was submitted by A three.

I work in advertising. This isn’t a whinge, I actually find it pretty funny… Seems our HR person digs hyperbole. The three headings on my staff performance reviews read:

A. Details. Details. Details!
B. Getting stuff done.
C. Sharing the love (Making Friends!)

I am sure that the creatives don’t bat an eyelid, but I’m in the IT team. You want to try filling out “Sharing the love” for a staff member whose job is IT infrastructure support!

This post was submitted by MadMan.

This lifted from the section of my review entitled “interpersonal relationships”:

Mike can get pretty passionate at times, and he needs to ensure that he separates the personality clash from the business issue lols.

I cannot believe that my boss used “lols” in my performance review. What is he trying to do? Soften a piece of pretty valid criticism? Give me a knowing nudge that says “hey everyone thinks you have a terrible temper”? Prove that he is hip?

This post was submitted by Mike.

When I originally received this assessment as part of my annual review I was pretty confused, so I questioned my manager in my face to face. How was it possible that in EVERY area I seemed to have met or exceeded my goals and objectives, and yet overall I received a middling result?! My manager’s response was this: “Don’t read too much into the paper based assessment, I have absolutely no problem with your work, you are a standout employee but to fit in with the company bell curve structure, we simply can’t award anymore 5’s in your area this round. It won’t affect you in future performance reviews.” This is absolute rubbish! So what they’re telling me is that basically, I can do everything right, put in the extra 10% and in the company’s eyes, I’ll still only be as good as the guy in the cubicle next to me that spends half the day on the phone arguing with his wife instead of working!! I’m outa here!

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