My performance review SUCKED!!

Some of us have learned to keep these things to ourselves (or at least whine in private!) Looks like this is a good way to earn an impromptu performance review however…

This post was submitted by K Wilson.

I managed to slip this into a rcent performance review. No-one has noticed yet.

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This post was submitted by DoppelFrog.

I went into my managers office because I never was invited to chat with her about my 2009 performance and I wanted to see what was up. I was asked to work on a couple of high profile accounts and thought I had really stepped up. She let me know that no bonuses or raises were going to be given out this year if that was what I was looking for and they weren’t doing performance reviews… WTF?!
A) I wasn’t coming in with my hand out, I wanted to know how I did and what I might be working on in the coming year…
B) I know that times are tough and we had to let some people go but that doesn’t mean you have to be an a-hole! There are a bunch of people still here and you have to address us for the work we did! The company may be in bad shape, but it would be a hell of a lot worse if the people still here weren’t busting our ass.
Thanks for nothing

This post was submitted by Fed Up.

UMA: Last year that process gave me ‘excellent’. This year just ‘average’? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That’s a complicated process. You don’t want to hear.

UMA: I’ll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets ‘average’, whichever lands on table gets ‘good’, whichever we manage to catch gets ‘excellent’ and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets ‘outstanding’.

UMA: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets ‘poor’ rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

UMA: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for ‘outstanding’?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

This post was submitted by Felicity.

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This post was submitted by Sean.

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This post was submitted by Charlie.

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This post was submitted by Ian.

Thats such a good answer! I can use this on most sections of my review.

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This post was submitted by mei.

These are the things I’d like to be measured on in my next performance review: parallel parking, personal hygiene, height, singstar, parenting and pub quiz. I see these factors as my fields of excellence.

This post was submitted by jasmine@alles.

This post was submitted by bob.